I THINK THIS IS ALL MY FAULT

I think I am the one who started David Copperfield down the slipperly slope of wanting women to provide some of thier own "magic" for him.

It all began 24 years ago. I don't know how or why I knew about this young, up and coming magician named David Copperfield but I did. And he was traveling to all of these small cities and playing in all of these small theaters. We were living in Reading, Pa. at the time and he was coming to the Rajah - a small theater in our beloved city.

So I begged Sparky to get us tickets. He came through and arranged for baby Sweet Pea to stay with his parents. I prepared for weeks, planning out my outfit. But more importantly, I spent weeks agonizing over what I could say to him so he would remember me forever and ever as that witty brunette who spoke words of honey and caused him to fall head over heels in love with a small town girl from Chester, Pa.

The night of the show came and we dropped Baby Sweet Pea off at the parents house. My own father-in-law teased me, asking me if I had something in mind yet to WOW David with. I told him I did not but that I was sure once I met him I would be able to come up with THE perfect words.

I wore a grey silk blouse and black pants, my black patent leather pumps and white pearls. WE will NOT discuss my poodle hair that I was sporting from a bad post-partum perm. We will also not discuss the aviator glasses that covered my cheeks all the way to my upper lip. But... I looked presentable.

We arrived at the theater and took our seats. This young, skinny, tall, dark haired boy bounced onto the stage as I was sitting next to my young, skinny, tall, dark haired husband. I sat mesmerized. I think he performed magic tricks - I am not really sure. I couldn't stop looking at his gorgeous hair and butt. I did notice that he chose beautiful, young blondes from the audience for all of his assistants but that's only because I was not in the front row or he surely would have picked me in all of my poodle hair gloriousness.

When the show ended, anyone who bought a program was able to get it autographed by Mr. David Copperfield himself! This was my chance. Here is where I would shine!

I nervously approached Mr. Copperfield, program in hand and these words of wonder poured forth from my mouth,

"Good show, David."

He grinned.

Good show, David?

What? WHAT? Was I practicing for the day when I would be a teacher and say 50 million times a day, "God job, Johnny!" Was THAT all I could muster in the one chance I had to meet the man of my dreams? (Other than Sparky, of course)

Realizing I had blown my chance to be remembered, to be immortalized as "that cute brunette with the pearls and poodle hair" I knew I had to make a move.

As he handed back my program, I took a deep breath and muttered,

"May I have a kiss?"

You should have seen the look on his face. He just stood there looking at me. Dead silence. Our eyes locked. And then he broke out in the little grin and said, "A kiss?" "Sure!"

And in that moment, when he leaned in to my poodle head, I believe I created a monster.

He kissed my cheek.

I am not sure if he previously realized the sway, the power, the pull he had over young women, causing them to drool and buy programs that cost $30.00 a piece just for the chance to be in the same square footage as Mr. David Cooperfield.

I never forgot that kiss. And I am pretty sure he didn't either. I am sure he talked about it for years and wanted to contact me but since we didn't have cell phones or the internet back then he had no way to get a hold of me.

I imagine he started to long for that kind of admiration and began wooing other young ladies. I believe he chose blondes instead of brunettes so as not to ache inside at the remembrance of me when he was with them.

And Claudia Schiffer? Remember that tall, blonde model? She had an over-bite. Just. like. me. Coincidence? You decide.

Poor, David. I am so sorry that I started this whole sordid mess that you are in.

By the way, to this day my father-in-law teases me about my choice of words, "Good show, David."

I'll be he isn't laughing now!