Apple Announces New iMplant
Apple announced today the newest iPod called iMplant. The newest iPod is being released 5 days after iPod video, 4 weeks after iPod Nanno, 12.5 seconds after iPod mini, 30 days after the iPod U2, 26 minutes after the iPod Shuffle, and 1 day before the release of iPod WorldDomination.
The new iPod - iMplant - is designed to be iMplanted in your neck, below the left ear lobe. No ear phones required. The iMplant will boast 40,000 gigs and will only require a batterly replacement every 10 days. (This reporter DID read the fine print - be sure to contact your HMO re:surgery deductibles for battery replacement.)
An enthusiatic owner of every iPod made (except the U2 - he has SOME dignity and taste) was asked how he liked the new iMplant.
"I always wake up with a song running through my head. We used to call them song bugs when I was a kid. Turns out my wife had surprised me for my 50th birthday and had the iMplant placed in my neck! I thought I was going in for a routine cleaning of my teeth!"
In order to accomodate the Christmas rush, Apple has made a record order of 20 iMplants to be manufactured so that they don't run low, as was the case with the iPod Shuffle.
"It was like the Cabbage Patch Baby thing all over again! I had to push a teacher (who was trying to use her educator's discount - like they don't ALREADY get paid too much and get three months off in the summer!!!) out of the way so I could get my 3 year old daughter the Shuffle. She likes to listen to Christina Aguilara on her iPod mini while eating her Cheerios so I figured a Shuffle would help her. She can hang it around her neck and use both her fingers to eat her Cheerios now," a devoted father was heard telling the Apple employee.
iMplant purchasers are being assured that this is the LAST TIME (before next payday) when they will release a new iPod immediately after releasing a new iPod, immediately after releasing a new iPod, immediately after releasing a new iPod, so that iPod owners can catch up.
Apple completed a survey asking previous iPod purchasers to give them ideas of new iPods. Some suggestions were:
1. iPodHomework - completes all assignments on time.
2. iPodHomeworkII - completes all assignments on time AND with a guaranteed grade of B. (Due to be released 3 days after iPodHomework.)
3. iPodHomeworkIII - completes all assignments on time AND with a guaranteed grade of A+. (To be released 6 days after iPodHomework I.)
4. iPodDishwasher - cleans most dishes in about 10 minutes while playing Kenny G songs.
5. iPodDishwasher II - cleans most dishes in about 10 minutes while playing anything BUT Kenny G songs.
6. iPodFootball - ALL Football - ALL of the time.
7. iPodFootball II - ALL Football - ALL the time - with a filter for ww. (Whining Wife)
8. iPodFootball III - ALL Football - ALL the time - with ATM wife to easily withdraw cash to go shopping during football season.
The new iPod - iMplant - is designed to be iMplanted in your neck, below the left ear lobe. No ear phones required. The iMplant will boast 40,000 gigs and will only require a batterly replacement every 10 days. (This reporter DID read the fine print - be sure to contact your HMO re:surgery deductibles for battery replacement.)
An enthusiatic owner of every iPod made (except the U2 - he has SOME dignity and taste) was asked how he liked the new iMplant.
"I always wake up with a song running through my head. We used to call them song bugs when I was a kid. Turns out my wife had surprised me for my 50th birthday and had the iMplant placed in my neck! I thought I was going in for a routine cleaning of my teeth!"
In order to accomodate the Christmas rush, Apple has made a record order of 20 iMplants to be manufactured so that they don't run low, as was the case with the iPod Shuffle.
"It was like the Cabbage Patch Baby thing all over again! I had to push a teacher (who was trying to use her educator's discount - like they don't ALREADY get paid too much and get three months off in the summer!!!) out of the way so I could get my 3 year old daughter the Shuffle. She likes to listen to Christina Aguilara on her iPod mini while eating her Cheerios so I figured a Shuffle would help her. She can hang it around her neck and use both her fingers to eat her Cheerios now," a devoted father was heard telling the Apple employee.
iMplant purchasers are being assured that this is the LAST TIME (before next payday) when they will release a new iPod immediately after releasing a new iPod, immediately after releasing a new iPod, immediately after releasing a new iPod, so that iPod owners can catch up.
Apple completed a survey asking previous iPod purchasers to give them ideas of new iPods. Some suggestions were:
1. iPodHomework - completes all assignments on time.
2. iPodHomeworkII - completes all assignments on time AND with a guaranteed grade of B. (Due to be released 3 days after iPodHomework.)
3. iPodHomeworkIII - completes all assignments on time AND with a guaranteed grade of A+. (To be released 6 days after iPodHomework I.)
4. iPodDishwasher - cleans most dishes in about 10 minutes while playing Kenny G songs.
5. iPodDishwasher II - cleans most dishes in about 10 minutes while playing anything BUT Kenny G songs.
6. iPodFootball - ALL Football - ALL of the time.
7. iPodFootball II - ALL Football - ALL the time - with a filter for ww. (Whining Wife)
8. iPodFootball III - ALL Football - ALL the time - with ATM wife to easily withdraw cash to go shopping during football season.
posted by Indigo Robe | 6:43 PM
1 Comments:
Aha, humor! Quite cleverly done...I especially liked the U2 dig. I think Apple will be coming out with the iPod U2 version 2, which not only plays music, but purports to know how to solve every modern day social problem with only guitar chords and platitudes.
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